Looking back, I’ve come to realize that perhaps marrying my husband was a mistake—but divorcing him may have been an even bigger one. It’s not that I regret the decisions themselves, but what I regret most is the impact they’ve had on my son.

When I got married, I wasn’t in a good emotional place. I hadn’t yet learned how to love myself. I wasn’t ready for marriage because I was looking for something—love, stability, happiness—from my husband that I hadn’t yet found within myself. What I’ve learned over the years is that for a marriage to thrive, both people need to be whole. You have to come to the relationship not with the intention of taking, but with the intention of giving. Only two happy and healthy individuals can truly build a happy and healthy marriage.

Divorcing my husband didn’t just affect me; it shaped my son’s life in ways that still weigh on me. He lost the stability that comes from having both parents together. And it wasn’t just about the family dynamic—I realize now that my ex-husband needed my support, even if that meant just being silent in difficult moments. Sometimes, silence is powerful. I’ve come to understand that now.

I also realize that I could have been more patient and giving. I’ve learned that everything God blesses us with is meant to be shared—our love, our resources, our strength. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp this. I was too caught up in my own struggles to recognize that giving and supporting others, even when it’s hard, is what makes relationships last.

It took me years to find this peace, this sense of wholeness within myself. And while I’m grateful to be here now, I can’t help but think about what might have been different if I had reached this understanding sooner. In the end, what I regret most isn’t the decisions themselves, but what my son missed out on because of them. I love him dearly, and I wish he could have seen a peaceful and stable version of his parents together.

But I also know that every experience teaches us something, and I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, you can actually marry ‘anyone’ and have peace , happiness and joy within and be  be totally unaffected .

Strife , conflict and dissatisfaction occur only in co- dependent  relationships where you place  your  needs, wants  and throw your insecurities , frustrations and fears into the relationship ‘expecting’  your spouse to make you “feel good”.

It’s easy to blame our spouses rather than take responsibility for our ‘bad’ feelings or ‘fears’ and process them independently of our spouses. Then, there will be no complaining about our  ‘spouse’ but a ‘letting go’ and an  ‘allowing’  of everyone to be themselves with the space for both to grow and  learn the lessons in god s time.. 

This involves copious amounts of patience of  self and other ..