Sometimes, the lessons we need most don’t arrive until much later in life. For me, they came crashing down at 52. By that point, I had spent years running—running from myself, my fears, and the deep-seated pain I didn’t want to face. I thought I was in control, but in reality, my fears were running my life. Every decision I made came from a place of fear, not strength or self-awareness. I was not living authentically; I was living in survival mode.

I had built up belief systems that, in hindsight, were self-defeating. I thought I understood life—what love was, what happiness looked like, and how to move through the world. But those beliefs expired. They no longer served me. The truth hit me like a tidal wave: I had been living from a place of fear, not from a place of truth, empowerment, or enlightenment.

I was afraid of sitting still with myself. I avoided the pain, the humiliation, and the brokenness, believing that if I kept moving, kept fixing things, I wouldn’t have to face it. But eventually, every strategy failed. I could no longer run. I was exhausted from trying to fix myself , everything and everyone And when my world fell apart—through the loss of a relationship, the death of my mother, and the crumbling of the life I thought I knew—I had no choice but to sit with the pain.

I regret that it took me so long to get here. I regret not learning these lessons earlier, not realizing that it was okay to sit with my brokenness, my fear, and my vulnerability. I regret not surrendering to the pain and letting it shape me sooner. Instead, I fought it. I was cruel, bitter, and mean at times, not because that was who I truly was, but because I was terrified of facing myself.

Learning to sit with pain is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn. It’s excruciating, but it’s also the most liberating. For the first time, I’m okay with the imperfection, the sadness, the rejection. I’ve learned that I don’t need to fix everything, that I don’t need to be in control all the time. It’s okay to let go of it all ..

I just wish I had learned this sooner. But maybe, like everything else in life, these lessons come exactly when they’re supposed to—even if it feels like they’ve come too late.