For years, I struggled with love. I couldn’t give it, and I couldn’t receive it. I blamed others, believing that they were the reason for my emotional turmoil. It was easier to point fingers than to do the difficult work of confronting my own pain. It’s natural to want to avoid the ugly, messy parts of ourselves. But what I’ve come to realize is that by refusing to deal with my unresolved trauma, I was sabotaging my relationships.

The truth is, no one has power over us. People come into our lives to help us grow, to give and receive love. But as long as we remain unhealed, we don’t show up as our authentic selves. Instead, we bring our brokenness into relationships, convinced that the problem lies outside of us. In reality, it’s our internal fears, misconceptions, and self-defeating beliefs that keep us stuck.

We often carry emotional baggage from childhood into adulthood, and when we don’t address it, these unhealed wounds surface in our relationships. The people we choose to love and the situations we face trigger our past pain, making it difficult to give or receive love. We stay trapped in cycles of unhappiness, blaming others for the emotional chaos within us.

Here’s the hard truth: Until we learn to love ourselves and deal with our inner trauma, we will never be able to fully receive love from others. And we won’t be able to truly love anyone else. The work begins with sitting in the discomfort of our feelings, facing the deep fears we’ve been avoiding, and healing the wounds that have held us back.

Escaping into busyness, distraction, or external solutions only prolongs the suffering. It takes a toll on our relationships and leaves us feeling empty. But when we commit to healing and self-love, we break the cycle. We open ourselves up to the possibility of authentic, fulfilling love. That’s when we realize that love isn’t something to be chased—it’s something that flows naturally when we’re whole.