Authentic relationships begin with self-awareness. No one can meet our needs if we aren’t fully aware of them ourselves. Many people who take pride in being highly independent or emotionally detached often struggle to love deeply. Their habit of self-soothing and navigating life alone leads them to build walls around their emotions, making them overwhelmed by the emotions of others.

An emotionally unavailable person may be drawn to independence in others, not out of a desire for a meaningful connection, but because it reflects their own detachment. They may fill their lives with overwork, distractions, and busyness, all in an effort to escape unresolved trauma and uncomfortable emotions. But over time, this dis-ease of self eventually leads to disease—physical and emotional breakdowns that further fracture relationships, leaving them utterly unavailable to anyone.

Running from oneself makes it impossible to connect with the authentic self. Without that inner connection, expressing real emotions becomes difficult, and forming meaningful bonds with others is unattainable. When we’re disconnected from our own feelings, we tend to dismiss the emotions of others, perceiving them as weaknesses. Our genuine needs stay buried, leaving communication hollow and insincere. Emotional detachment turns relationships into shallow, superficial interactions.

True connection requires us to stop running, face our pain, and embrace our emotions. When we do this, we gain the capacity to understand and accept the feelings of others. Only then can we foster relationships that are real, honest, and fulfilling. Without this inner work, we remain trapped in a cycle of avoidance, locked in relationships as detached as we are from ourselves.

A person who can’t sit with their feelings is, at their core, an unhappy person.