In relationships, it’s not uncommon to feel triggered, especially when moments of insecurity arise. We may question whether we’re good enough for our partners, leading us to self-sabotage and push away people we deeply care about. But these feelings of inadequacy rarely originate from the present—they stem from wounds we’ve carried since childhood.

For many of us, growing up in environments where our emotional needs were neglected left lasting scars. Perhaps one of our parents consistently dismissed our feelings, neglected our needs, or compared us to siblings. Maybe we were told we weren’t deserving of love, attention, or affirmation, leaving us to feel unworthy at our core. As children, we internalized these messages, and now, as adults, they manifest as low self-esteem and relationship struggles.

When we feel “not good enough” in our relationships, it’s not our partners who are responsible for these emotions. Instead, it’s the unresolved trauma from our past resurfacing. It’s the pain from long ago that we haven’t fully processed, and it makes us believe we’re not worthy of love, no matter how much our partners care for us.

The path to healing begins by recognizing this truth. We must identify our childhood wounds, no matter how painful, and work through them. Only then can we begin to forgive, not only those who hurt us but ourselves for holding on to these false beliefs.

We must remind ourselves that we are worthy of love, deserving of healthy relationships, and, most importantly, more than good enough.