I know firsthand how soul-crushing it can be to live under the control of someone who lacks empathy and is obsessed with perfection and power. Narcissists have one driving force: to present themselves as perfect, no matter the cost. Here are some telltale signs to spot a narcissist:

1. Exploitation of Others: Narcissists often use their children, spouses, friends, and coworkers as props. Their need to broadcast a perfect life to the world leads them to show off moments that are routine, turning them into grand spectacles to boost their image.

2. Social Media Obsession: A narcissist can be easily spotted on social media, posting endless selfies or flaunting a seemingly perfect lifestyle. They’ll use every post, be it about family or work, to portray themselves as exceptional, often at the expense of those around them.

3. Oversharing : Narcissists love to overshare, giving long explanations no one asked for. They crave attention, always trying to make an impression, regardless of whether the audience cares or not.

4. Gaslighting: In conflicts, narcissists are masters of gaslighting. They’ll accuse you of lying or defamation, all while they embody the very behaviors they deny. They thrive on twisting the truth to avoid accountability.

5. Drama and Conflict: Narcissists feed on drama. Peace and fairness are foreign concepts to them, and their inner unhappiness often spills over into every interaction. If you don’t align with their agenda, they’ll see you as an enemy to eliminate.

6. Lies and Slander: A narcissist won’t hesitate to spread lies about you, turning others—spouses, friends, family—against you. They never take responsibility for their misery, always blaming a scapegoat when things go wrong.

7. Narcissistic Rage: Criticize a narcissist or give them feedback, and you’ll witness their wrath. They can’t handle anything that contradicts the perfect image they’ve created, and they’ll go to war with anyone who dares to challenge that illusion.

8. Emotionally Draining: Victims of narcissists—whether in relationships, marriages, or business—often emerge emotionally drained. They suppress their feelings to keep the peace and eventually lose a sense of self in the process.

9. Public Praise, Private Harm: Narcissists often position themselves as pillars of society, doing charity work or acts of kindness—but always with an audience. Their generosity is designed to win attention and admiration, not to genuinely help others.

10. Grandstanding: Every conversation or event becomes a platform for the narcissist to showcase themselves. They never truly engage with others; it’s all about making themselves the center of attention.

Dealing with a narcissist can leave you feeling drained and manipulated. Their lack of integrity, combined with an insatiable hunger for power, means they’ll stop at nothing to control every situation—even if it means lying or hurting others for financial or social gain.