Our mother s are our first love. The relationship we had with her forms the cornerstone of every relationship we develop later in life. How we show up in relationships and how we love others has deep roots in the way our mothers reflected love to us.

We feel safe growing up if our mothers were kind, loving, generous, gentle, and patient. It is this sense of security that enables us to trust the people we share our lives with.

On the other hand, if we grew up in a childhood where our mothers were punishing, cruel, unavailable, or cold, we get into adulthood with severe unmet needs, emptiness and mistrust.

We unconsciously seek this missing “love” in our partners who are most times similar to our parents. We’re not present in these moments to “give” love but rather to “get” love .

If we are in an unhealed state we are unable to give love or receive love . We devalue the person because it seems alien and most times we sabotage the relationship perpetuating a self fulfilling”prophecy, I am not “lovable”.

The origins of our deep pain and dysfunction in relationships are rooted in the connection we had with our mothers. The behaviors of mothers affect both boys and girls significantly as they grow up.

We simply create a present like the past when we copy our parents negative patterns and reflect them back into our current relationships..

If a mother was cruel and controlling towards her daughter, then her daughter grows up to be angry, judgmental, critical, and has difficulty maintaining loving relationships with her spouses and children.

Today, we have men who are misogynists, who can’t love and subconsciously hate women. There is deep-seated anger within them, and they use women for their gratification, only to discard them afterward. This behavior is strongly rooted in a mother-son relationship that was severely traumatised—a mother who failed to be loving towards her son and withheld love and respect for him growing up will inadvertently reflect that same patterns to the women he dates and marries..

The question we really need to ask is how did you feel when your mother did those mean things towards you? And is this how you want to be perceived by people that you engage with? In the present? It hurt when you’re young and now you are reflecting that hurt back to the people that you meet. it’s a vicious cycle that needs to end.

Healing the deep pain created by your mother is one of the most challenging yet crucial tasks in life. If you’re willing to delve into the dark areas of yourself, confront your insecurities, identify and process the pain, and eventually release it, you can reach a place of forgiveness.

Understanding that most of us come from dysfunctional families, and that your mother likely came from one too, can help you find forgiveness. Realizing that her actions were a product of multigenerational dysfunction can facilitate healing. Only then can we form healthier, loving relationships with the people in our lives.

Until we undertake this healing journey, we remain stuck and, dare I say, unhappy in our relationships. The mother wound is not just a personal issue; it’s a generational one. Healing it not only transforms our own lives but also breaks the cycle for future generations.