I spent most of my parenting life pleasing my son. My only goal was to make him happy. Unfortunately, I’m finding out to my detriment that over-pleasing a child can blow up in your face at times.

I often discounted my feelings of tiredness, financial constraints, and better judgment and I lacked boundaries . My difficulty lay in my being firm, a critical component in parenting..

I learned over-pleasing from childhood spending most my life pleasing my mother. In moments like these, your feelings, needs, and wants get stuffed down, and you learn to numb them. You grow up into adulthood thinking your feelings are irrelevant and fail to express your needs and wants, either believing it’s wrong or that you don’t have the right to them.

This is when the inauthentic self develops, leading to unhappiness in our lives. Going into parenthood with an inauthentic self can wreak havoc. A severe lack of firm boundaries and not being true to your feelings leads to overdrive in pleasing your children.

All this is done with the false perception that if they’re happy, they’ll do well, and in return, you’ll look good as a parent. But children have their own minds, dreams, and aspirations. Social media heavily influences their perceptions of themselves, work, life, and family. Most times, they won’t care about whatever “good” you do for them because, apparently, that’s your job.

Every generation is different, but it’s disheartening to see a serious sense of ungratefulness, disrespectful and self-centered behavior in children today. We shouldn’t blame them; we should blame ourselves for enabling and overextending.

My biggest mistake was not loving myself during moments of parenting, putting my son before me at all costs. Mothers, don’t lose yourselves in the role of parenting. Love yourself, put your feelings first, and everything else will fall into place.

By setting standards and firm boundaries, you mirror self-love to your children. This detached approach to parenting allows you to stay true to yourself, reducing anxiety and unrealistic expectations of children returning goodness or kindness.