During my spiritual awakening, I found profound wisdom in an African proverb that says, “If there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can’t hurt us.” This quote became the cornerstone of my inner healing journey, helping me transform from a state of victimhood to one of victory.

Inside me, I harbored numerous “enemies”—feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, emptiness, loneliness, and a sense of not being beautiful.

These internal lies were suffocating my soul, making me a ticking time bomb, easily triggered by anything anyone said or did. Many of us feel victimized when things go wrong in our lives, but the truth is, no one has power over us except God. We are born alone and we leave alone; everything in between is just “fluff.”

It’s easy to blame others when we feel bad. However, reaching a point where I no longer took things personally took time and deep inner work. I had to confront my insecurities and fears, releasing them to free myself from their grip. The self-defeating beliefs I carried weighed me down, trapping me in a cycle of negative thinking, feelings, and behaviors. In essence, I was sabotaging myself.

With great self-compassion, I addressed my past traumas and allowed my painful feelings to surface, accepting my own brokenness. This process made it easier to accept people for who they were, rather than who I thought they should be. I realized that nobody intentionally wanted to hurt me; people are imperfect and broken, just like me. Most people crave love and acceptance for who they are.

It takes courage to reach this level of understanding. When you are filled with the knowledge that you are inherently good and wonderful, no one can take away your inner peace and beauty. This realization brings a profound sense of freedom amidst life’s challenges.

Negative feelings about yourself often stem from unhealed traumas of the past. Taking responsibility for your feelings and fears is crucial for healing. This process shifts one from “victim” mentality to “victor” mindset, enabling you to give love instead of feeling like a victim of unlove.

Here are some steps to help shift from Victim to Victor :

1. Acknowledge and Confront Inner Enemies: Identify the negative beliefs and feelings that weigh you down. Recognize that these are lies and not reflections of your true self.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Accept your brokenness and imperfections as part of your human experience.

3. Release Past Traumas: Allow painful feelings to surface and process them. Seek professional help if needed to navigate through deep-seated traumas.

4. Stop Taking Things Personally: Understand that other people’s actions are often a reflection of their own struggles and not a direct attack on you.

5. Embrace Your Worth: Fill yourself with the knowledge that you are good, wonderful, and deserving of love. This inner conviction will shield you from external negativity.

6. Shift Your Mindset: Focus on what you can control—your thoughts, feelings, and reactions.

7. Give Love Freely: Once you are no longer a victim of your past, you can give love freely and genuinely to others, fostering deeper and more authentic relationships.